Absolute Pain
by Boo Radley 5000
Summary: Sometimes you make mistakes that you can't take back. Can you? “Get away from me! I don’t want anything to do with you anymore!”
1. Absolute Pain

I found this old piece of writing at the end of a document yesterday and I decided to edit it a bit and post it. I'm not going to lie it's depressing and angsty as hell. I can't decide if I want to keep it a one-shot or continue. I'll let the reviewers decide.

As for my other works. Hidden in Plain Sight will be updated by the end of this week. Also Cooking for Dummies has a rough draft that I need to finish and fix up, it requires a bit of research it should be finished by next Monday. Dungeons and Dragons will be updated by next Friday. I know that I need to get review replies out but I am so horrifically tired. I'll get those out by tomorrow.

Dedication: Ravenslair the most incredible reviewer and supporter of Robin and Raven. Not sure what he'll think of this one though...

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own it. 

Chapter 1

Absolute Pain

**Quote: "You never hurt anyone worse than those you love."**

**Lauren Fawker**

* * *

"It's not yours."

Her voice was devoid of any emotion. The monotone that she used around strangers was back and that's all that he was thought of for a moment, the way the words sounded. Then the words strung together and he began to comprehend the meaning.

"What?" He couldn't hear what his own voice sounded like, only that it reverberated around him.

There was a moment of silence before she spoke again. "Do you really need me to repeat it Robin?"

"Don't speak to me like that," he said suddenly. It was still taking time for the three words to make its full impact.

He was leaning forward from where he sat on his bed as he looked down at his lap and let his fingers grip his own hair tightly. There was silence again. A brief reassurance hit him as he realized that his mask was still on so she wouldn't be able to see his eyes. "How-" he began but quit as a shameful waver betrayed his voice.

"Which how?" Raven asked emotionlessly. "I'm assuming it's not the sex how. Is it a 'how far along' or a 'how could you do this?'" Her tone wasn't cruel, instead it was utterly flat.

"Don't speak to me like that," he repeated. "I'm not stupid."

"I know," she said, "That's why I listed valid questions."

She waited until he had regained enough control to maintain his composure, allowing him the dignity of not breaking down in front of her. But he still couldn't control his voice the way she could. "How do you know?" he finally managed, "We've been together for two years."

"I'm two months and eighteen days along. You weren't here then," Raven saw him look up, clearly about to speak, "I know from visiting Nevermore. That's the day."

Robin couldn't help it- he ran a hand through his hair again. "Over two and a half months," he said almost harshly, "And you didn't tell me."

His mind retraced the time between then and now. Not even a hint.

"No I didn't," she said blankly.

"Who is it?" he asked suddenly, as a wave of sickness swept over him. Someone else had been with her, she had let someone else caress her skin and kiss her lips. She held someone else to her, sweaty brow against her own, legs entwined, in her bed. Where he and she had-

"I have to leave, don't I," she said without a trace of questioning.

For a bizarre moment he thought she meant simply leaving his bedroom. He was losing her in every way. "Tell me who it was, Raven."

"It doesn't matter," her voice was so blank still.

"Why wouldn't it matter?" he asked, "Is it just some random person, who won't know that you're carrying his chi-," his voice cracked.

"I need to stay here a few more days," Raven said, "And then I'll leave."

She stood and walked away without a backwards glance. She moved through the hallways with carefully controlled movements until she finally entered her bedroom and pressed the door shut behind her.

Her composure lasted for a few seconds longer and then she fell to the ground and wept. Things began to explode around her. The light fixtures broke and glass rained down in the dark. Her bed was destroyed and her books were thrown off the shelves and torn page from page.

Her breakdown continued as the punishment rent her skin, cuts formed across her pale flash and the blood trickled down and she cried in pain.

* * *

Robin sat motionlessly. Two and a half months. And she had known. And it hadn't stopped her from making love with him every night as they lay in his bed. And it hadn't stopped her from letting him hold her to him as they fell asleep and woke up. And their conversations hadn't stopped as she spoke to him in that way that she did only for him. 

He had known for over a month that she was pregnant. They had been lovers for so long that he knew her body intimately. She'd had the missed period and then he had felt her bare abdomen as he held her one night and he felt the slight bump.

It had filled him with both excitement and trepidation. They were only nineteen. But he loved her dearly. And he'd always harbored silent desires for a family of his own, so that he could be the parent for his child that his parents weren't able to be for him. In a way it was a convenient mistake.

All of it was gone.

He'd held her hands and asked her if she was pregnant even though they both knew.

He still couldn't believe that it had just happened. She was going to leave, she was having someone else's baby. Someone else-

Robin stood up. Two months and eighteen days ago. Who the hell could it have been? Two months and eighteen days ago. He had been gone. He had left to Gotham City for five days.

Robin felt a new wave of absolute sickness. It would have occurred just one day before he had returned. He had come back and she had been so happy to see him and they retired to her room hours before they usually did. If he had returned just one day earlier…

Robin couldn't remember walking but he was somehow at Raven's door. He knew the code to enter her room by heart, but he couldn't bring himself to use it. He moved forward and rested his head against the cool metal of her door. Then he stopped, his fingers pressed lightly against the metal.

Raven was sitting on the floor in a ball, her back pressed against the hard surface of her door. Sobs made her tremble, her shaking hands clutching the floor as she struggled to breathe.

Robin reached over to the keypad by her door and pressed in the code without looking at it. The door whooshed partway open before Raven noticed. She turned and held out a hand that threw her dark magic at the door which immediately slammed shut and there was a hiss as she melted the locking mechanism.

But he saw her face. There were few times that he had ever seen her look like she did now. She was in pain. So much pain. It was her face of hopelessness, that he had seen when she was experiencing the worst of her life. It was the expression that she always wore when he needed to save her.

To know that she hurt so badly did nothing to alleviate the dark pit within himself, it almost worsened it. God, she knew how much this hurt too. She knew how much she had blown it, how they wouldn't be able to fix it. She had no hope for it to get any better.

"Raven," he said hoarsely, his face close to the door. "Let me in."

She was leaning against the other side of the door, breaking into fresh tears as she heard his voice. But she hardened her own. It went as flat as it ever had. "Go. Away."

"Raven," he repeated. "Open the door, let me in."

"I don't want to see you, Robin," she spoke as calmly as she could manage.

He knew her so well, though. Her voice was never that flat without her forcing it to be. "Raven! Open the door!"

"I don't want you!" she suddenly spat at him. "I don't want you, Robin! Why don't you understand that?"

Robin froze as the cruelty of the words hit him with full force. Raven loved him, he knew that. They had been together two years. Shared secrets that only the other knew. How could she say that to him? How could she _do_ this?

His voice fully betrayed him when he spoke again, the tears and pain were raw in his words. "Why are you doing this?"

Raven was sobbing, but without tears. Her contracting muscles took the brunt of it all. "Just leave!" she near hissed at him, "Get away from me! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!"

"Raven, please!" his palms were pressed flat against the cold metal door.

"I don't love you," she managed, "I don't even like you. Why are you still here?"

He couldn't speak. There he was, the mighty Boy Wonder, the hero of Jump City, the protégée of Batman, crying his eyes out with his head pressed to a door in a dark hallway. "Please," he whispered after a moment.

Raven couldn't hear him through the door, but she could feel his heart breaking. It hurt so badly. She hated herself. "Get away from me."

He couldn't leave her. She was his best friend. She knew everything about him. She loved him in spite of all of it, he knew she did. Suddenly Robin stood up. "Fine," he said flatly and then turned and walked away.

Raven felt as though her soul had broken.

I can't breathe.

She managed to stagger to where her mirror to Nevermore rested. She held it away, so that she didn't have to see her face and then suddenly dashed it against the floor. The glass shattered and the shards scattered across the floor to join the rest of the destruction.

The tears slowly stopped and then the anger set in. Against herself. God, she hated herself so much. And this monster. This terrible _thing_ that she now carried inside of her. She hated every bit of it.

Raven reached out and grabbed one of the shards from Nevermore and gripped it tightly, the edges of it piercing her skin, digging inwards. Before she could even fully contemplate what she was about to do, she yanked up her shirt and tore the glass across her bare abdomen. Blood began to flow directly above where she knew the baby was. It dripped with a thick warmth down her skin, hitting her shaking legs. She gasped as she realized what she had done.

Worthless little fool. Why are you doing this?

The second part echoed what Robin had cried at her earlier. How could she have given all of it up? The glass bit through the pale flesh of her arm. How could she have done this to Robin? The glass tore the skin above her shaking collarbone. And how could she have tried to _kill_ what she carried? It slashed over her ribs.

Raven was breathing hard as she finished her abuse. Healing it would hurt just as much as letting it heal on its own, and she didn't want to feel any better anyway.

I can't fucking breathe.

* * *

There was a loud knock on the door. "Yo Rob," BB's voice entered his room, "Are you and Rae in there?" 

The knife in his stomach twisted deeper. "If you two are still sleeping, then get decent and come out for dinner, we got pizza."

Beast Boy had no idea how much the words hurt Robin as he leaned back against his bed. His heart seemed to be hitting an irregular thud and it suddenly crushed him again. She was having someone else's baby. It was so much more of a permanent wedge than her even saying that she didn't love him. He could win her back, he was sure of it but…

How well could he possibly know her if this had happened?

A sudden throbbing pain hit him and he actually doubled over. He couldn't stay here. Every bit of this hurt. He didn't stop to even look in his mirror before walking out of the room.

Sound ceased as he entered the kitchen. Three of his teammates were sitting eating pizza. BB was frozen with a long string of cheese connecting his mouth to the slice he held. They stared at Robin.

He was pale. There was a tightness of the jaw, a rigidity in the way he held his body. He looked as though he had just rolled out of bed but hadn't slept in ages. It was strange to see so much change in someone without being able to see their eyes.

"Friend Robin? What is wrong?" Starfire said hesitantly.

It was impossible to tell where he was looking. "I'm going out to investigate some leads on some cases we've had."

Cyborg turned to look at the clock. "It's six. Are these new leads?"

"I figured that it was time someone investigate the old ones," he said as he began walking towards the door.

"It's late, Rob. Just do it tomor-" Cyborg began.

"Where's Raven?" Beast Boy suddenly interrupted.

Everyone was silent as Robin froze for a fraction of a second. "She's where she always is," he said as he quickly left.

"Should one us go and check on Friend Raven?" Starfire asked after a moment.

"Dude, did they break up?" Beast Boy asked in amazement.

Cyborg was staring after where Robin had left. "They've been going out for over two years," Beast Boy continued. "Or is it three now?"

"Two earth years and eight earth months," Starfire said.

"I can't believe that he actually broke up with her," Beast Boy said.

"Didn't you see him?" Cyborg said as he shook his head. "She broke up with him."

Beast Boy and Starfire were silent. "So it's _over_ over, isn't it?" Beast Boy finally said.

"I'm going to go and see Friend Raven," Starfire announced and she was out of the room before either BB or Cyborg could stop her.

"Shit," Cyborg said after a few moments.

"What?"

Cyborg was still gazing towards the door. "They're both going to be crazy now."

Beast Boy nodded. For all of the idiotic games, he was still a smart guy. "I know."

* * *

Raven ignored the forceful knocking on the door. She was in her connecting bathroom with a wet washcloth, holding it over the open cuts that she now had. 

I can't believe I did that.

Raven stifled a cry as she realized how many times she had said that now. All culminating from the worst of them, that time when Robin had been gone and she-

No!

It was now with a slight dizziness that Raven held the washcloth under the faucet and squeezed the reddish water through it. Anything that would keep the thoughts away. The thoughts of how badly she had screwed this all up.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire's voice echoed from far away. "Friend Raven, please open the door, I wish to speak with you."

Raven shook her head without saying a word. She silently thanked whatever deity would listen to her that she had kept the marks where she could cover them. Though it would be a comfort to have a mark of some sort to show what she was. What she did.

After Starfire finally left, Raven lay in her bed and tried to let herself fall into the oblivion of sleep, but to her dismayed rage she couldn't. She hadn't slept alone for two years. She missed his arms, his chest, the way one of his hands would slide against her skin. No matter which way she turned, it was obvious. She was alone.

After watching the clock change for hours she finally climbed out of her bed and pulled a shirt over her pajamas to hide her arms. Then she teleported to just outside of his room. It killed her to stop there. Raven had always just gone in before.

She knocked softly. There was no answer, though she knew that he was inside. Wouldn't it be so appropriate if he refused to speak to her? "It's me," she said quietly, her head against the door.

There were a few more moments of silence and then he was suddenly there. The door was open and they were face to face. She cleared her throat and it was with an utterly flat voice that she spoke again. "What do you want me to tell them?"

Robin stared at her and then he stepped inside and left room so that she could follow. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" she said.

"Raven," he began shortly and then grabbed her arm and pulled in her. The door shut behind her and he felt the muscles contract beneath his hand as his fingers gripped the still open cut on her arm.

Raven yanked her arm away as Robin looked at her. "What did you do to yourself?" he said as he drew her closer and gently rolled back the sleeve of her shirt.

They both stood there in the dim light of his bedside lamp. "Where else?" he said as his hands slid along her arms searching for the cuts he now knew were there. His fingers finally rested upon the slash on her collarbone.

God, he knew her so well.

Raven was looking straight at him as his hands glided smoothly down to where he already knew the third cut would be. A symbol of this ultimate pain for the both of them.

"Why did you do it?" he said quietly.

Raven knew that he wasn't talking about the cuts. "Quit asking me that, Robin."

He was still for a moment. "Was it worth it?"

Raven didn't answer him. He already knew that she wouldn't. As that silence stretched between them Raven looked to the door that she so wanted to escape from. "What do you want me to tell the others?" she finally said. "About why I'm leaving. Do you want them to know the truth?"

"Where are you going to go?" Robin asked.

She didn't know. "It doesn't matter."

"If you're going to stay in a public place, where people will know you then you need to tell them that it's not…" he couldn't finish.

"Not yours," Raven finished for him.

He merely nodded, looking away. "I'm heading out of sight," she said, "I'll just tell them that we broke up, that I've been wanting to leave for awhile now."

Robin didn't say anything and then he finally looked back at her. "Give me one more night," he said quietly.

It would do nothing but break their hearts further.

"That's not a good idea Robin," Raven said, looking away. His bed bore the rumpled signs of not having been slept in as well.

"Please," he said in a voice that was as close as he had ever come to begging. "Please, let me have one more night."

Before a lifetime of being apart. Neither of them said it.

The silence stretched forever. "One last night," Raven finally whispered.

Every touch was deliberate. It was slow. A pure inhalation of every sense of each other. As they lay together Robin's arms held her both tighter than he ever had and yet gentler than he ever had. The sun rose far too quickly and it hurt worse with every moment.

He wanted to talk to her, to try and figure out some way that they could be together, some way to undo everything that had been done. But he didn't ruin this last time with useless words. He wanted to keep this beautiful.

Finally Robin felt her shift in his arms. His arms froze and he didn't think that he'd be able to let her go, but they loosened as she pulled away from him. Raven sat on the edge of the bed and then turned. She kissed him deeply on the lips, and held a hand to the side of his face, fingers caressing. "Stay in here, today. Let me leave."

Then she walked away. She didn't look back. The door shut and he couldn't see her any longer.

All day long he stayed in his bed, breathing in the scent of her. He fell into a troubled sleep as it got darker, his dreams filled with the images of her leaving and then a cruel one in which she returned and told him that she loved him and was going to stay with him.

The next day he finally emerged. And she was gone. She had left almost everything. But she was gone. He knew without even looking in her room.

Robin made a cup of coffee and then sat on the couch to stare ahead blindly as the sun further brightened the room.

* * *

The End.

There you go. What do you think; one-shot or should I add a couple more chapters. I know that was a rather depressing note to end on.

Review please.


	2. Admittance

So, I have some rather startling news. I'm retiring from Fanfiction. Writing/reading/reviewing, all the works. Though I do plan on following authors still (you know who you are). So, I've decided to just post what I have. If you want I'll also post the storylines that I _haven't_ yet written out. So, see ya.

Disclaimer: I do not own it.

* * *

Chapter Two

Admittance

Quote:

"Why do you kids live like this?"

-West Side Story

* * *

The Public Relations woman sat at the table and looked at the girl across from her. She was simply a girl after all. "You're sure that you want to commit yourself?"

"Yes," Raven nodded. "I recognize how excellent your center is. And your confidentiality-"

"We have full confidentiality," the woman nodded, "No one will ever know that you were here."

"Good," Raven said softly though neither had broached the topic of her real identity.

She was then sent through the check-in process. "Why do you feel as though you need to be admitted?" a councilor asked.

Raven looked at the folder with its neat papers clipped in place. It was meant to encompass what was wrong with her. She remained silent for a moment. She knew that she needed to be admitted but it wasn't in her nature to speak so openly. Finally she laid her hands, clenched fists up, out on the table. The movement pulled her sleeves up and exposed the long slash along her left wrist and the partial one on her right. Both had been neatly stitched- not professionally enough to have been done by a doctor.

"When did you do this?"

"Two nights ago."

-_she didn't quite remember even hurting herself until the sticky hot blood hit her skin. She moved the blade mechanically to her other arm to complete the job_-

"And why did you attempt this?"

"Because I deserve to die," Raven said quite calmly and steadily.

"Is there a particular reason?" the councilor pressed gently.

-_the hair gripped in her hands wasn't the black that it should have been. Her name was being spoken by foreign lips in that familiar tone, while the name that she called wasn't the right one_-

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you stitch this up yourself?"

"Yes."

"So you don't want to die."

-_the warm, dry haze was pierced by the sudden violent movement within her. She couldn't do it yet, she needed to halt this imminent end_-

"I'm pregnant."

The medical examination was difficult for Raven. Outside of bed she didn't like people to see her and to have someone stare like that made her shiver. They cut the stitches that she had made and then properly sutured them, wrapping them gently in white gauze. She shut her eyes and was almost able to convince herself that it was Robin who touched her so softly.

But he was gone.

She was three months and seventeen days along, so far from the time when she'd be able to be free of it. They, of course, discovered the scars from her old cuts and to hear the examiner mark it in her folder with such a small check made Raven feel so uncomfortable. Every sound began to echo until she was felt almost overtaken.

After she was fully dressed again in her new clinic-issued clothing she was led to her new room. A small and spare room, neat and bright. Her mind flashed back to the Tower where she and Robin had so many of their belongings in each other's rooms that it was the same as owning both. Raven stared at her new home knowing that she'd been spared a roommate due to her high profile.

* * *

She spent most of the day lying in her bed, eyes shut against the world. She wanted so badly to be back at home.

That evening she was taken to an appointment with a psychologist by the name of Dr. Owen. He began by asking her a series of questions which Raven managed to answer with a yes or no or else she would say that she didn't want to talk about it.

They sat together in a room. Raven was listed as a dangerous patient though voluntary sign-in so a guard was standing outside of the door in case the doctor needed anything. Raven was uncomfortable yet in a relatively peaceful state of numbness. She stayed silent while he skimmed the report on her:

Raven Roth…19…Three months 17 days pregnant…Suicide attempt…Self-harm scars…Committed herself…Asked to be 'restrained'…High-profile patient…

Raven knew what he was reading. A sardonic voice in her mind suggested adding this current status to the file about her in the Justice League headquarters. The smile on her lips was non-existent.

"So your name is Raven," Dr. Owen started off as he flipped his notebook to a clean page that would surely be added to that neat little folder.

Raven didn't bother answering that one. It was a pointless question.

"I see here that you attempted suicide two days ago, Raven," Dr. Owen probed, "Can you tell me why you did that?"

"I already gave this information to someone," Raven said quietly.

Dr. Owen's nodded slightly. "I know, but I thought that we could discuss it a bit more."

"I don't want to talk about it," Raven said.

Dr. Owen's face was blank as he decided to let that pass for now. "And you stitched it up yourself?"

Raven nodded. "Yes."

"How badly does it hurt?"

Raven shrugged.

Dr. Owen was silent for a moment. "You told the in-take councilor that you were pregnant," he watched as Raven flinched slightly. "How is the father involved?"

"He donated half of the genes," Raven said in flat voice.

Dr. Owen nodded, ignoring the sarcasm. "Does he know that you're pregnant?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Does anyone else know where you are, Raven?" he continued.

Raven shook her head. "No."

"Is that because you did not tell them? Are they looking for you.?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Dr. Owen finally sighed and took his glasses off. "You know Raven, recovery is going to be difficult if you don't want to talk about anything."

Raven looked him full on for the first time. "I don't do the whole 'talk it out and make it feel better'. I just need to be restrained."

She looked away from him. Restraint was how they had always dealt with her problems. Her body and mind weren't always in agreement and she could do terrible things sometimes.

"Can I go back to my room now?"

* * *

Please give me some feedback. Criticism, good parts, bad parts, what you think. Review please.


	3. Three months 21 days ago

So, I have some rather startling news. I'm retiring from Fanfiction. Writing/reading/reviewing, all the works. Though I do plan on following authors still (you know who you are). So, I've decided to just post what I have. If you want I'll also post the storylines that I _haven't_ yet written out. So, see ya.

Disclaimer: I do not own it.

* * *

Chapter Three

Three months 21 days ago

Quote:

"One of the great inconvienances of the past is the inability to redo it."

-Cheryl Zucker

* * *

Three months 21 days ago

Bruce had contacted Robin for a mission. Normally they never heard from Bruce, he took care of Gotham all on his own. But this was a mission with old allies and old enemies. He needed Robin there. And Robin was never one to refuse Bruce. The other titans knew that it was going to be dangerous but they were sure that it would not be more dangerous than any other their other missions. Thought none of them had ever met the villains of Gotham.

With Robin gone it left Raven in command. Being in command was something that she disliked, but it was easier as time went on and the team began to truly like each other. But it was still Raven who was in charge so she was the one that Bumble Bee called to tell her that one of their teammates was staying in Jump while Robin was gone.

When Robin left to Gotham she hadn't been sorry to see him go, only so frightened of something that she couldn't even name. She didn't know how to deal with it or ask for help, she was so used to being with Robin where he always anticipated all of her needs. Except for this one. It was like he didn't even feel any of it at all and. It terrified her that they could be so close yet she was utterly alone.

She didn't even make it through that first night. She and Robin had been staying in his room as of late. She no longer felt comfortable with him in her bedroom, but he didn't seem to notice. But that night with there she couldn't stand his room.

But hers was difficult to bear as well. The terrible memories of her life assaulted her endlessly without Robin there. And that fact scared her further.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire's voice was muffled on the other side of the door. "Do you wish for company tonight?"

All of the others had become better at reading her emotions. Robin helped even her out, and through that she wallowed herself to open up and trust them more. Now Raven's unwillingness to leave her room was seen as a sign that allow as not right.

Raven let her in. "Hey Star," she said in a tightly carefree tone. It ticked Raven off to know that Star didn't believe it.

"You miss Robin, yes?" Star questioned gently as they sat on Raven's bed.

No, Raven realized, I don't.

"He'll be back soon," Raven hedged smoothly.

Star nodded. They were both silent. "Do you wish for me to stay here for the night?" Star said.

Raven almost accepted. She needed someone a. And Starfire would always be there for her. But suddenly that overwhelming fear raced through her veins. Star was almost as bad, she was a-another thing keeping Raven tied here, to the Tower, to the city, and to Robin.

-_what's wrong with me_-

Something in Raven's expression must have frightened Starfire for she reached out to touch Raven's shoulder. Raven forced herself not to flinch. "Raven, shall I stay here with you?"

"No," Raven said in a flat voice. "I need to be by myself."

It was true, but she couldn't anymore.

Cyborg, Starfire, and BB decided to go out to a movie. They purposefully picked a movie that Raven would want to see, but she refused and nothing could convince her otherwise.

Raven didn't know what was wrong with her. It was strange that no one else seemed to understand how bad it was. She should have been restrained or watched, or have someone hold her hand through it.

But no one was and she couldn't ask. She had never been able to ask for help. Except-

-_she had frozen time for everyone else. But she needed to have him with her or she wouldn't make it at all_-

Raven opened her eyes to feel the fiery chills race through her body. She couldn't sort out her dreams, memories, and reality. Was it really the same day?

__

Where's Robin?

She shook her head as though she could physically shake the thought away. She forced her body to move and crawled into the lotus position, ready to meditate. She began the chant and seemed to only hear it from a distance. Then she was in the dark and alone and the echo of her words shook off a light breeze that grew to a shrieking force that moved closer. Then she was surrounded by the chaos that stole her breath, that ripped at her skin like knives.

Raven gasped and fell from the air and onto the ground. Her shaking hands quickly sought out the telecom and she called Robin.

There was no answer.

Dry heaving sobs shook her small frame and she couldn't catch her breath through her constricted lungs. Slowly the panic settled into silence and it was with steady hands that she used the telecom again. There was a moment and then the screen opened as it connected.

"Raven," he said, "What's up?

"You're in town aren't you?" he nodded with a slightly questioning expression. "Can you come over?"

* * *

They sat across from each other on the couch. Speedy handed her a mug of the tea that she had just made. They concern that he had felt when she first called was growing. Something was seriously wrong with her. But he knew Raven. He knew that he couldn't ask her and couldn't offer. He just had to wait.

She was silent as she sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. She opened her mouth, shut it and then shrugged. Speedy simply watched her. After several moments of silence she unlocked her arms from around her legs and moved forward a bit. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Speedy. I don't know."

Speedy didn't even feel the shock as she leaned forward and suddenly, violently pressed her lips onto his. He couldn't remember putting his hands on her, but he knew that one was on her neck and the other tracing her ribs. He couldn't remember _when_ her hands moved to his body and was started to find that he was pulled Raven down towards him as they settled back on the couch.

__

Wait!

He was pulling _Raven_ towards him. His friend Raven. The girl that his best friend was deeply in love with and she with him (wasn't she?). He couldn't be doing this with the dark beauty who was off limits because Robin saved her first-

"Upstairs," Raven's low voice whispered hotly in his ear.

God, could any of this actually be happening?

He knew that it was wrong, that not any of it changed.

Raven's mind was calm. She was on the edge of oblivion and guilt was stabbing her harshly, but she was finally empty.

Speedy had gotten off the bed and instead had his back pressed to the side while he stared at the clothing that they had so quickly shed. How _could_ he? How could he have just fucked her? He flinched as the thought the ugly word. The perfect description of what they had just done. How could he have done this to his friends?

"I'm sorry Speedy," Raven's voice cam from the other side of the bed.

Speedy inwardly groaned. He knew that there was something terribly wrong with her. He'd known it since he walked in the door. He should have been the one to stop it.

"I didn't mean to use you like that," Raven said dully. "You should probably go."

He nodded though she didn't see it and dressed quickly. He stood by the bed and hesitated. "I'm sorry," he said softly and then left. She didn't sleep after he left. Instead she gathered the sheet around herself and looked around the room. It was just a room again. The books of Robin's were just books, his clothes were just clothes, and his papers were just papers. There was such a mingling mess of loss and relief. But she could finally sleep.

* * *

She awoke the next morning to the sound of Starfire knocking lightly on her door. "Friend Raven?" she said quietly.

Raven opened her eyes but didn't move. Vague memories of the night before seeped forward into her consciousness along with the unreality of it all. "Friend Raven, may I please come in."

Raven didn't want Star in her room. Not after…all of it, everything. "No," she answered flatly.

There was a silence on the other side. Starfire was worried. The reply was so reminiscent of how Raven had been years before. Back when she didn't want them close. "Friend Raven we are traveling to the beach and we want-"

"No thanks," Raven said shortly, cutting Star off.

Star bit her lip. "Please. You should not be alone-"

"I'm perfectly capable of being by myself," Raven cut her off again.

__

Liar.

"But we are going to stay there for two nights and it will help take your-" Star cut herself off.

__

-mind off of Robin

, Raven mentally finished. Now she understood. They wanted to take her away from the Tower until Robin returned. Not even they believed that she would be fine on her own.

Star seemed to know what Raven was thinking but she didn't know how to tell her friend that they wanted to keep her company and have a close time with her. Star wished so strongly that Raven would confide in her, and tell her what was going on.

"No," she said flatly and with finality.

Star twisted a lock of hair around her finger. She didn't feel as though she could leave Raven here. But she knew that Raven would be insulted and angry if they stayed. Leaving her was a sign of trust, it was what they should do…wasn't it? She finally sighed. "Okay, we shall see you later. Please call me if you wish for anything."

There was no answer from the other side of the door.

* * *

It was the evening again and Speedy was sitting in the dark in his hotel room. He was still in a sort of shock. All of this was so unbelievable. Raven had called _him_ and for best he could tell she called him purely so that she could sleep with him. And what was worse, he had actually done it.

But at the same time he couldn't fight the fact that he had enjoyed it. Immensely. Raven had always been someone who intrigued him. And then as time went on and her father was defeated and she was free for the first time ever, things started changing. Everyone started to actually _see_ her.

And then Robin got her. It killed Speedy how he and Robin were so alike and yet Robin always seemed to get the lucky breaks. Robin was seen as the number one hero, hell he was called the _Boy Wonder_. Out of all of them, all of the teenage superheroes, Robin was number one.

Once Raven was with him she became even better. Everyone else was actually exposed to her sharp wit, and her biting intelligence. But she wasn't so afraid of being nice anymore.

She felt at peace with them, she was calmer. She was _happy._

And what killed Speedy most was that Robin actually confided in him. Not all of it or even most of it, but Speedy was privy to information that all of the others certainly weren't. And he knew that Robin deserved it. Everything that the two had done for each other, rescuing each other from their own personal hells, of _course_ they were going to be together.

But the worst of it was that Speedy knew about Raven's nightmares. He was able to surmise from the spotted conversations that Robin had alluded to that the nightmares were actually how the two of them had gotten together. And Speedy could read between the lines better than most. Robin _kept_ the demons away for her.

That's what he had been expecting after Raven called him. He knew that Robin was away and that Raven was alone. He hadn't planned what happened, but he knew that Raven needed some replacement for Robin. And he drove over in order to be that replacement for her.

He was such a jackass.

The vibrations of his telecom startled him out of his reverie. He hesitated for only a second since he knew who it was going to be on the other side. But he went ahead and opened it and Raven's pale face appeared on the other end.

"Speedy, can you come over?"

And God forgive him, he went.

* * *

Raven was in her room when Robin returned. She lounged on the bed reading when she heard the code being punched in. She moved to the edge of the bed starting forward when the door opened and Robin was there. He had that smile on his face and moved forward. His hands cradled the side of her face. "Hey Raven," he said before moving in to kiss her.

Raven was startled at how happy she was to see him. Genuinely happy. And he had that slight smile that she knew so well. He pulled away for a moment in order to pull his mask away and she relished the sight of his eyes.

__

What's wrong with me?

Robin quickly took control of the situation and Raven completely surrendered to it. He had her lifted up while her wrists crossed behind her neck and her legs locked around his waist. She wasn't even aware that they had moved until her back hit the mattress.

Raven only slept for an hour before her confused emotions woke her up. She was fully surrounded by Robin's arms. Ever since her nightmares he would, even unconsciously, try to protect her. The thought made her sick.

She carefully eased out from his arms, careful not to wake him. It stemmed from feelings of affection for him and from the thought that she could not face him. She moved silently towards the bathroom, dressed in one of his shirts and her pajama pants. She couldn't stand sleeping naked with him anymore. If he thought it strange, he didn't say anything.

Raven shut the door quietly behind her and stood simply surveying the room. Then she broke. Heavy sobs racked her body but she stayed silent, the back of her hand pressed against her mouth to stifle sound. She slid against the wall until she was on the floor, her forehead resting on her knees.

She loved him. She was so happy that he was back, she had missed him terribly, she wanted nothing more than to just sleep there with him.

And she had cheated on him.

Raven knew how badly it would hurt him to know. To know that she had called Speedy over for the sole purpose of fucking him. In an effort to forget and distance herself from Robin.

__

God, how could I have done it?

Every muscle in her was tense from the absolute pain that coursed through her guilt-racked body. She cried, it felt like forever, until all that was left was her shaking husk. Empty bones inside of an empty body.

She stood and walked to the bathroom sink carefully avoiding her reflection. She shakily grasped the cup and turned on the water, filling it up. As she brought the glass to her lips her gaze traveled to the mirror and she was treated to the grotesque image of her broken, cheating, useless self. The glass fell from her hands as she dropped them in an effort to keep from falling. She ended up holding herself up through the edge, her fingers white from the force of her grip. The glass shattered, sending water and shards everywhere.

She had no tears left in her body, but the water coursed down her face for her, properly soaking her with the emotion she felt. Finally she stilled the worst of the tremors and swept up the glass with her hands. There was a burning impulse to close her fists tightly and allow the glass to pierce as sharply as she could stand. But she shook her head and threw them away. Raven refused to do that to herself. It had taken her years to reconcile herself to the fact that she hadn't killed herself after finding out about the prophesy. She refused to start hurting herself now.

The air outside the bathroom was cooler and she walked on slightly unsteady feet over to the bed where Robin was still sleeping peacefully. He woke a little as she climbed onto the mattress and under the covers. "Hey," he said sleepily.

"Hey," she managed with a voice hoarse from so much crying.

"You're shaking," he murmured quietly, still not waking up all the way.

Raven allowed herself to pulled into his arms as he held her exceptionally close. Even in his sleep he tried to protect her. "I'm just cold," she lied blatantly.

His hand entwined with hers and he kissed the back of her neck. And then he was asleep again.

__

Just forget it. Don't do this to him. He doesn't need to know.

* * *

Within two weeks she was noticing something different in herself. Odd echoes, feelings, slight sickness that was anything but nausea. But she refused to believe that anything was wrong. Because the fact was that everything was good for the first time in a long time.

Whatever had been wrong with her was right again. She felt so happy to be with Robin, so glad that he was there. She became openly affectionate something that startled all of her teammates and that Robin greatly enjoyed. The only thing that was off was that occasional thought that came to mind to trigger memories that she was trying to bury.

Then she skipped a period. She couldn't ignore it anymore. For the first time in a long time she visited Nevermore. And they were, all of her emotions. Happiness was trembling, Fear was crying, Bravery sighed, and Intelligence stood before her, a frank expression on her face. "We fucked up," she said simply and then turned so that Raven could see behind her to where a small nearly invisible form sat with a loudly beating heart. She turned away and stifled a scream.

"January 14th," Intelligence said, "We fucked up. It's his."

Raven turned and fled, away from all of it and out of Nevermore. Suddenly she was on the floor again, staring at the mirror. Her mind flashed back to January 14th and her hands twitched as her powers flared and the mirror cracked. She could now only see her horribly distorted reflection.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire's voice was accompanied by a timid knocking on Raven's door.

"Please let me in."

Raven took a deep breath and stood. She used a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes and was startled to find that none were there. She pressed the button and the door opened to reveal Starfire, a worried expression on her face as she _stood_ at the door. "Raven what is wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Raven asked with a perfectly straight face.

Starfire hesitated, her face still timid. "Is there not something wrong with you?"

Raven, for the life of her, couldn't think of what to say in response. She couldn't remember what her normal answer would be. "I'm fine," she said after far too long a pause.

Starfire clearly didn't believe her, but was far too uncertain to call her on it. Raven simply stared at her. "Is that all?" she asked and then cursed herself for being too cold.

"May I stay in here with you?" Starfire asked.

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Starfire bit her lip, "I thought that we could keep company together while everyone else is out."

Raven inwardly sighed but stepped back to let Starfire in. "I was just planning on reading."

"I shall read too," Starfire said. "May I borrow a book please?"

It was true that as of late Starfire had become more interested in literature and was delving into Raven's collection. She still needed a translator at times, but was increasing in skill. Starfire walked inside, still not flying, and then stopped as her eyes focused on the ornate mirror.

"Your mirror to Nevermore has broken!" Starfire exclaimed. "Can you fix it?"

Raven berated herself for leaving the mirror where it could be seen. "Yes," she said a bit quickly, "I can fix it. It fell off the bed."

A simple mental measurement made it clear that the mirror was too far from the bed to have fallen off.

The two of them spent the whole evening together, neither stopping for food, until Raven fell asleep on her bed. Starfire heard the rhythmic breathing and looked up to see Raven curled up, a worried expression marring her face. Star _knew_ that something was wrong with Raven, but she couldn't tell what it was and for the first time ever she didn't feel comfortable telling Robin about it. In the past she went to him first for problems with Raven, he was the best at helping her, soothing her, and calming her. But it was different this time.

Star stood and covered her with a blanket and left the room.

* * *

It was becoming clearer and clearer to Raven that Robin knew she was pregnant. He noticed the difference at the same time that she did and then, despite the fact that she tried to do it in private, he was around when the nausea hit her. He would help hold her in the bathroom and smooth back her hair and then he would ask her, in that nonchalant way, what was wrong.

"I just feel sick," she would answer exhaustedly.

There was always that moment of silence and then he would say, "Maybe there's something going around."

And she'd nod before leaning forward to vomit again.

And then he became incredibly careful of her during missions. He spent an increasing amount of time working, either alone or with only one other teammate, to go search leads and get criminals before something major could even happen. And then on the rare occasion that they all _did_ get called out he would use Raven's 'illness' as an excuse, saying that if she was feeling so sick then she shouldn't go out with them.

Raven went along with him torn by an appreciation for a way out of it and the longing to be hurt in battle and have it all go away. And then the guilt would rush in again. It worsened when night after night he would come back with such injuries from fighting so much. She could heal him instantly so that he was healthy again but it didn't take away the pain that she knew he felt from being injured.

She could tell that he was confused also. As to why she wasn't saying anything. Robin was nearly certain that Raven knew she was pregnant and he couldn't fathom why she wasn't telling him. Raven felt the different possibilities go through his mind until he settled on one. He believed that she was scared of his reaction. And that hurt him. He was hurt by the idea that Raven was too scared of him to tell him something like that.

And so he became even more careful of her. He went out of his way to give her more attention, more affection, and he would set up conversations that were perfect openings for her to tell him what was going on. And she would constantly evade them. At one point his frustration was almost palpable and then he leaned forward and said to her, "I'll always be here no matter what happens," with such an earnest expression and an opening that was such a clear prompt that it broke her heart. All she could do was give him a slightly trembling smile and then move closer to embrace him.

Raven stopped sleeping. Not entirely, but less than what was needed to function. And so she was awake the one night when Robin reached over and ran a hand over her bare abdomen. It was in the extreme early hours and he thought she was asleep. His fingers traced along the bump that could be felt but not seen as though seeking confirmation for what he knew was there.

And then he let his warm hand rest on her skin and he pulled her close and kept his lips in her hair and it was then that she knew that he _wanted_ this baby. As much as it scared him, frightened him, he wanted this child that he believed was theirs.

The guilt of it made Raven wish she were dead.

And so when the next mission call came she ignored Robin's heated protests and headed out with them to face Cinderblock. The team had a specific method for fighting Cinderblock, but Raven abandoned it. She flew forward to where she was in the worst danger and then her powers flickered for a moment and she waited. She felt the confusion on the part of the others and the panic emanating from Robin. Cinderblock seemed startled and in that split second hesitation Robin was there and he shoved Raven to the side and took the full force of the attack which sent him flying.

When it was over and they were in the med bay he stared at her with such confused and worried eyes as she healed the many terrible wounds on his body and she knew that there wasn't much time left.

The very next evening they were both in his room and he sat across from her and took her hands in his. He stopped for a moment so wishing that she would _tell him_ this news, that she would trust him enough to let him help her deal with it. But she remained silent and the words fell from his lips, "Are you pregnant?"

It didn't occur to her to lie to him. She couldn't do it. She felt her face become a mask as she withdrew her hands from his and with a voice utterly devoid of any emotion, said, "It's not yours."

Please give me some feedback. Criticism, good parts, bad parts, what you think. Review please.


	4. Trip to the Other Side

So, I have some rather startling news. I'm retiring from Fanfiction. Writing/reading/reviewing, all the works. Though I do plan on following authors still (you know who you are). So, I've decided to just post what I have. If you want I'll also post the storylines that I _haven't_ yet written out. So, see ya.

Disclaimer: I do not own it.

* * *

Chapter Three

Trip to the Other Side

Quote:

"The truth should be fully brought-no matter who was involved."

-Ronald Reagan

* * *

The Titans East were surprised when Beast Boy suddenly arrived at their door. His appearance stirred up worry at first as they believed that he may be the messenger of grim news.

"No, nothing like that," Beast Boy said, although he was harboring some unpleasant news.

With that they called in an order for a rather massive amount of pizza and then settled in the living area as they waited to hear the reason why Beast Boy was in town.

"I can't stand being there," BB said through a mouthful of double cheese pizza.

"Por qué?" Mas asked.

"Because they're crazy," Beast Boy answered as he choked a bit.

Flash also spoke around the food in his mouth. "Y'wanna elaborate on that?"

Beast Boy sighed and then managed to stuff an entire slice in his mouth, grabbed a soda to help soften the mass and then swallowed it painfully. Everyone watched feeling a bit sick. "Robin and Raven broke up," Beast Boy said.

There was a moment of complete silence. "What?" Flash asked, "They broke up?"

"Are you serious?" Bumble Bee asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Raven said that she's 'been wanting to leave for awhile now' and then she packed up and left," Beast Boy said with a sigh.

"She broke up with him?" Aqualad asked.

"Yup," Beast Boy said nodding. "And she's gone. And now Robin is all aggressive and unpleasant, and Star is super depressed and can't fly, and Cyborg is worried and surprised. It's miserable," he finished gloomily.

"Y cómo son usted?" Menos asked.

Beast Boy shrugged. "I've been better," he admitted. "I don't really know how I am. Every-one else is front and center and I'm not really sure what to do," BB seemed to suddenly realize how contemplative he was sounding and he physically shook it off. "So any-way I'm come to stay with you for awhile," he said briskly.

Everyone was silent again. Then Bee broke it. "Wow, I just…Seriously what are they going to be like now? This thing has been going on forever."

BB nodded. "I'm not sure what happened with Raven. I mean, they were all super-great until four nights ago when she just said she was leaving and then, bam. Everything sucks."

"So…you don't know why they broke up?" Bee asked.

All of them except for Beast Boy felt a bit awkward prying into the lives of the two most private Titans. Outside of what everyone physically saw, no one knew any more. Except-

"Speedy, have you heard anything from Robin?" Flash asked as he turned around.

And then suddenly all eyes were on Speedy. He was white with shock, the knowledge that he was the direct cause of all of what Beast Boy had just described. "I haven't heard anything," he managed.

All of the other titans were two absorbed in the news or else just accepted Speedy's shock as concern for his two close friends and he was forgotten again. "I wouldn't even try talking to Robin if I were you," Beast Boy said as he started in on another slice of pizza.

"How bad is it?" Aqualad asked.

Beast Boy paused and his face turned more serious then it had been up to this point. "He's been called back by Batman."

* * *

It infuriated Robin that he was under the supervision of Bruce again. He was taken away as leader of the Titans, and worst of all- he wasn't allowed to fight. If he had been in a right frame of mind he would have admitted that the ban was well-deserved. That's what happened to a superhero when they beat someone to death.

The criminal had not died, but only through the hasty intervention of Cyborg who used all of his skills and technology to keep the man alive, while Beast Boy did his best to hold Robin back. Starfire used the telecom to contact Bruce who managed to get a hero with healing abilities out there. Otherwise the man would have died.

And it had been a human criminal. He wasn't a mastermind, or super-powered. He was just a poverty-stricken man who tried a clumsy attempt to steal from a bank. It was only from mistaken chance that the team had even been called out in the first place. The man posed no danger to anyone else. The gun he carried had no bullets, he knew the difference between robbery and murder.

That kind of attack was so closely monitored by the Justice League that Robin was immediately forced back into the care of Bruce. Superheroes were given the right to live outside of the bounds of conventional laws and because of that were not allowed to make stupid mistake. What Robin had done jeopardized them all.

Robin wouldn't admit to the fact that he was unstable and he certainly wouldn't admit that it was Raven's disappearance that caused it (the extent of her betrayal was unknown to all but three).

But Bruce knew. There was little that he didn't know about his adopted son, though Robin wasn't aware of the extent of Bruce's knowledge. But Bruce didn't know how to deal with this sort of thing. He had nothing that he could teach Robin.

And Robin refused to admit to any of it.

* * *

Please give me some feedback. Criticism, good parts, bad parts, what you think. Review please.


	5. Pure Agony

So, I have some rather startling news. I'm retiring from Fanfiction. Writing/reading/reviewing, all the works. Though I do plan on following authors still (you know who you are). So, I've decided to just post what I have. If you want I'll also post the storylines that I _haven't_ yet written out. So, see ya.

Disclaimer: I do not own it.

* * *

Chapter Five

Pure Agony

Quote:

"Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough."

-Jean Paul Sartre

* * *

It was agony, pure agony. Her body ached in places that she had hitherto not felt before, not even in meditations. And the sweat was everywhere, in her eyes until she couldn't see.

"Robin?" she asked aloud. "Where's Robin?"

There was a faint buzzing in the background that would occasionally gain the volume to form words. "She's delirious."

Another pain twisted her apart, and once she gasped in another breath she spoke again, "I need Robin. Robin?"

"Robin?" a faint voice echoed. "Is she asking for _that_ Robin? I mean she is…Raven, isn't she?"

__

I'm Raven, aren't I?

A female voice whose echoes were so ringingly high-pitched that it made Raven wince, began to speak. "Should we…contact hi-"

"Absolutely not," a voice with no echo buzzed harshly.

"Please. Robin," Raven managed again. Then the pain hit so hard that tears flowed from her eyes and her breath was snatched out of her lungs. Her empty hand gripped into a hard fist, white-knuckled and shaking.

Then it went black.

* * *

It was a relatively fast birth, as though her body understood the need to get rid of it as soon as possible.

She woke to a nurse who was sponging off her body. "How do you feel?" he asked.

Her eyes closed as the sponge cooled the side of her face. Her body was empty, but the burden was still there. She shrugged.

"How's your physical pain?" he asked.

Raven let him pick up a limp hand to sponge it off as well. She shrugged again. The nurse took the sponge away. "What does that mean?" he asked. "Do you need some medication or not?"

She shook her head and then touched a hand to her hair and felt the stringy strands.

"Do you want to see your infant?" he asked.

"No." Raven's voice was hoarse. "I don't want to see or hear anything about it."

The orderly didn't say anything though if Raven had been her usual self she would have seen the muscle flex in his jaw from how tightly he clenched it. He continued his ministrations for several quiet moments before saying, "Would Robin want to see it?"

Raven's eyes cut sharply to him and saw that he was purposefully not looking at her. She let her severely drained mind float back to the birth.

__

I asked for him.

Raven stopped to consider the question for a moment. Would Robin want to see it?

"I doubt it," she answered in her empty voice.

* * *

Robin needed to know who it was. He needed to know whose child this was, who it was that Raven had… He couldn't fully finish the thought. Who could it have been? There were only so many people who could have done this. Yet there was anyone. Some friend? Traitor? Villain? Stranger?

Every thought made him sick as his mind ticked off a name and he pictured them together, in such a carnal union that mocked him entirely. It was almost too much to take, to imagine.

And then the rage would hit him. He was a fucking _superhero._ Why the hell would any of this be _too much to take? _

It was during these times that Robin never felt closer to his mentor. Bruce understood that there was no difference between the two. He had never let something like this cripple him so. It was only stupid, weak Robin that was now too fucked-up to even so much as _fight_ anymore.

He needed to find out who it was that had done this to him. He knew that it was Raven, but he wasn't ready to fight her yet. He couldn't. Fighting her meant that he had let her hurt him, and he refused to admit to that. But the guy. The 'father' of this child was the one who was trying to get him, to defeat him. And Robin wanted dearly to fight him.

Whoever it was that Raven had…

Robin cursed at this weakness. Whoever it was that Raven had fucked, had been with, had slept with, who she had so very badly _betrayed_ him with.

* * *

When Raven woke up again it was to find her body almost entirely healed. Her powers had acted without her and then she raised her wrists expecting to see blank skin, but the scars were still there, scarlet edged and raised.

She showered and packed what little she had. The few books that the asylum had given her as well as the few outfits that they had provided. Then she waited on her bed until one of the family workers came in.

The woman stopped when she saw Raven's packed bag. "You're leaving then?" she asked evenly.

Raven nodded. "I'm fine to go now."

"What of your child?"

"I don't want it," Raven stated flatly. "Give me whatever papers to sign and I'll sign them."

"And the father?" the woman asked.

"Is irrelevant."

The woman hesitated. "We live in a day and age where paternal consent is needed to legally place a child up for adoption. Complications have arisen in the past where a father was unaware of the existence of a child until years afterward. Without his consent the adoption was not legal."

Raven looked up at the woman who bravely returned her gaze. Raven sighed and turned away. She didn't have it in her anymore to battle. Maybe it would come back. "You recognize me, don't you?"

The woman was silent for a moment. "You had a very high-profile life before this. And it was noted that you left the…"

__

Titans

"…group that you were a part of and then showed up here."

Raven looked back at her. "So why won't you accept my signature on the papers?"

The woman hesitated for several moments before she beginning carefully. "You were in a…relationship with another member of your group. And you left before your condition was visible," the woman searched for the right words. "We are not certain that the other member in your relationship knows of this infant."

Raven simply watched her.

"Is it possible that the father would want the rights to his child? The other man in the relationship?"

__

She doesn't realize that she's speaking about two different guys.

"No," she answered truthfully. "Robin doesn't want it at all," she said giving the name away once and for all.

The woman seemed surprised and relieved that it was out in the open. "Did Robin know that you were pregnant?"

"Yes."

She paused. "And he didn't want it?" she asked in a tone that suggested her confusion.

Raven sighed. It obviously didn't make sense without the whole story. Why would Robin reject his girlfriend of two years when she was pregnant with his child? "We agreed that it would be best if I left."

The woman stopped again. "We really do need to have his name on the documents," she said a bit quietly.

"You wouldn't get his real name anyway," Raven said tonelessly. "We're not required to sign contracts and have IDs and all of the things that normal people have. It's one of the perks of being…us."

The woman licked her lips and then nodded. "You'll bear full responsibility otherwise?"

"Always."

"Is your child likely to have powers?"

Raven shook her head. "I'm half-human and the father is fully human."

"But even at half you are known as having very strong powers," the woman insisted.

"I am a half. I have powers because of this entire half heritage and because of a certain prophesy that caused it to flare and then be trained. None of this is true for it," Raven said, using 'it' to refer to her child.

The woman appeared unconvinced but she nodded. "And you want nothing to do with it?"

"I want it so that no one ever knows that I was here. I don't want it out that I was here, that I had a child, or that I spoke to you at all."

Even though Raven was too tired to battle the sound of her words were directed with finality.

* * *

"Rob, you need to settle down."

Robin's face didn't so much as twitch as Cyborg's words went in one ear and out the other. It was that kind of cold, concentrated fury that surfaced just before striking and Cyborg had seen it before. This couldn't keep going.

Robin made a clear effort to swallow the absolute anger. These were his friends that he was talking to, not enemies that he could beat and be called a hero for.

"Who was here, Cyborg?"

Beast Boy was sitting to the side of the whole procession, eyes large and uncharacteristically quiet. Despite all of the years that they'd lived together, he was still a fan of Robin. To say something now was inviting the maelstrom towards himself.

"I don't know," Cyborg said evenly. "Just the same people that are always here."

"Why do you wish to know?" Starfire spoke quietly. "Has something happened?"

Robin pressed his lips together tightly. He turned his masked eyes swiftly towards her. "That's irrelevant."

"We're a team," Beast Boy said in a subdued tone. "That makes it relevant."

There was silence as the absence of Raven became even further pronounced.

Cyborg gave a large, silent sigh. He had been the only one besides Raven who was unafraid of Robin's anger. Cyborg knew how to painfully weather it, while Raven knew how to quell or match it. She was the most successful.

"Rob, I have to say something. Raven's gone and you need to settle down. If you can't handle this then go and fix it. But you've got to stop being like this."

Beast Boy was holding his breath as though to help survive what he was sure was going to be the imminent murder of Cyborg. But Robin turned his tightly drawn face towards Cyborg, "This isn't about Raven."

"Is it about what she did while you were gone?" Starfire's small voice whispered.

Robin snapped to attention. "What do you know of it?" he demanded in a suddenly furious voice. "What happened?"

__

What she did?

The words stuck oddly in the air. What she did? That made it sound as if there was something that…

Robin crossed the room in that swift, violently graceful manner that only he could pull off. He was in Starfire's pale face as she pushed herself back against the wall. "You knew about this?" he nearly snarled.

"She cheated on you," Beast Boy realized aloud.

A twitch of pain passed over Robin's face as he stumbled back from Starfire. There was a collective silence as Robin's fists clenched tightly. He wished that he could do as Raven had done and just let his anger encompass everything until it was all destroyed. Then he was on the ground with no direct memory of how he had gotten there.

"She's pregnant, isn't she?" Cyborg said after a moment.

Robin was on his feet again and facing Cyborg. "It's irrelevant," he said in that tight, violent voice. "Who the fuck was here while I was gone?"

"I don't know," Cyborg said, "It was just all of the usual people."

"There was something wrong with her," Starfire spoke almost to herself. "She was not okay, but I could not-"

The expression on Robin's face was terrible to behold. "Why didn't you help?" his voice was sickening, "You should have done something, you should have helped, or called me, or stayed with her, or done _something_."

Tears were streaming down Starfire's cheeks. "I am sorry, friend Robin. I tried to help. I didn't mean to do this to you or friend Raven."

"It wasn't her fault!" Beast Boy spoke up. "It's not Star's fault that Raven cheated on you! We didn't know what was going on, _you_ should have known! _You_ were the one that was close to her. Don't blame it on us! What was it that _you_ did to-"

No-one was able to follow exactly to know what happened until after Robin's fist had connected to Beast Boy's face and the blood left a thick trail as he fell backwards and his head slammed to the floor with a sickening crack. "BB!" Cyborg exclaimed as he hurried over.

Beast Boy was still conscious, but his eyes were unfocused and unbidden tears trailed from his eyes as blood flowed from his broken nose and his blackened-bruised eyes, as well as oozing slowly out of the cracked knot in the back of his head. "God dammit, Robin!" Cyborg snarled as he measured the damage inflicted. "Raven isn't here to fix your screw-ups!"

Robin was pale, his anger abated, while he watched the blood pool around his pale friend's form. "He shouldn't have…" Robin murmured lightly.

Starfire's voice was sad and quiet. "You must contact the Justice League to get a healer for friend Beast Boy. Friend Raven is not here to do it."

And Beast Boy's injuries required near-immediate healing.

Please give me some feedback. Criticism, good parts, bad parts, what you think. Review please.


	6. Author's Note

Okay, so I am finished with what I've written. I have a full plot written out as well, and I'll post that if you want it. Also if someone wants to continue what I've written then by all means go ahead. Just send me a message saying that you've begun and I'll put your name on here so that you'll get credit.

Laters,

-RobRae5000


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